This post is an odd one, it is about how I conquered loneliness, mostly unintentionally. 👀
This article is somewhat spiritual and very personal.
When I was a teenager I somewhat skipped the essential part that most teenagers go through; going out, partying, sleeping around (I don’t mean this in negative terms), getting used to being free, independent and on your own.
I pretty much rushed into my first long term relationship!- Yes, I know that was silly, but I was 18 years old, in love and after thinking I would never find a boyfriend after being surrounded by not so good relationships and years of trauma I jumped in with both feet to the first man who was nice to me.
Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret being in the relationship as it was good to start off with and it has gotten me to where I want to be, it has especially taught me many essential lessons of which this is one of the most important.
How to conquer loneliness and stop relying on others to make me happy.
When I was younger I simply hated being on my own.
I’ve always been an introvert so for a short while it wouldn’t bother me, but after long periods it did start to get to me, I would feel increasingly isolated, alone and this is where my head and therefore my depression would kick in and once the depressive voice kicks in it makes things a whole lot worse and it’s really difficult to shift.
I put far too much pressure on myself to be productive and achieve without regarding self care or what limits my health puts on me and therefore I was constantly going round in a viscous cycle of being over productive, spreading myself too thinly and then having to go through a period of self recovery and this seriously affected my mood and my self confidence.
I expected other people to make me feel better, to make me feel somewhat whole again but it never worked out the way I wanted it.
Don’t get me wrong, speaking to loved ones does help but how can you expect loved ones to love you and help you when you can’t help yourself.
My last relationship came with trails and a lot of lessons with the most important one making me realise that anybody can be lonely, loneliness isn’t necessarily present in just those of us who are on our own but loneliness shows itself in all different forms and in all different situations, people with partners can be lonely, people living in with a large family can be lonely- loneliness affects everyone.
During my last long term relationship I felt more alone then rather than in my situation now where I am single and without a partner, which has really made me think.
It is all about your state of mind, yes I live with family but my family are out working and have their own lives and so do I BUT we are all there for each other and through all these life lessons and through my past relationship I have now finally learnt to be comfortable in my own company and not ever feel lonely.
My mum personally thinks this is a weird concept but I understand it completely.
As long as you are comfortable in your own skin, you take time for self care, to see those you love, you have someone to talk to and confide in, have a routine and a purpose than you are not likely to feel lonely and even if you do sometimes,… you know what, ITS NORMAL!
Lots of people feel lonely, you can reach out and ask people to help but never rely on other people to permanently make yourself happy, you must only rely on yourself to make you happy…
And this is how I have conquered loneliness.
So if anyone asks as an adolescence what I have learnt, this will be the answer….
• self love
• feelings are not facts
• loneliness is natural and ok