Therapists advice for CPTSD. 💞🧠🤯

Like many CPTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder) sufferers I have been to numerous types of therapy which I am not ashamed to admit.

Some types didn’t help such as counselling and others did.

The most helpful form of therapy for me was cognitive behavioural therapy.

I last had CBT during my second year of university… so quite a while ago now but some advice from one of the therapists has always stuck with me and helped me in many situations and I thought I would share.

☆You’re allowed to react in response to a past trauma, whether that’s being moody, angry, sad, upset, etc. This is perfectly normal… BUT don’t let the past traumas control your emotions for long! Figure out a way to work past them, process them in whatever way that adapts to you.

The initial message here is when you are working past your traumas you need to embrace how they make you feel in order to work through them.

☆ Not everyone will understand your triggers and reactions because they haven’t gone through what you have, they will not understand or know your story. It is also not their responsibility to make changes for you although this doesn’t apply to family who may help you process the traumas by removing the triggers at first to make you feel comfortable whilst learning to process through them.

The initial message here is to stop the blame game! The majority of people do not know your triggers and they won’t be making your life difficult on purpose. Concentrate on your responses rather than replacing this with anger and blame for other people.

☆ Being upset isn’t manipulation, you’re allowed to cry. Your allowed to be upset, crying isn’t weak- this applies to everyone!

Sometimes a good cry helps to release a lot of your emotions and afterwards makes you feel relieved and better.

☆ One of the most important messages….there isn’t anything wrong with you. It is not your fault you have this condition. The brain works in complex ways and anyone going through trauma has a high chance of having this condition. It does not make you weak, damaged or any less of a person.

In fact it makes you resilient, strong and powerful!

☆ If your trauma is caused by childhood abuse of any sort your triggers put you into a state you were in as a child and this is ok. Eventually you will see it through the eyes of an adult and process it in different ways but firstly you will see the trauma as a victim and through the innocent eyes of a child because you were.

Processing trauma takes time.

☆Your brain is doing it’s job correctly to protect you from a threat or perceived threat, which is why you react; but now you don’t need these automatic reactions. This is something that you need to teach your brain out of, but it will take time.

Don’t beat yourself up for reacting your brain is trying to protect you in a weird sort of way.

☆It’s not clingy to have needs and want affection.

Affection or just a simple hug from the right person can make you feel so much better and releases oxycontin into your brain and makes you feel relaxed. It is perfectly natural to want human affection.

☆ It’s understandable to be confused and lost within yourself, and try to be what other people want you to be when you’ve gone through childhood trauma.

Everything will come into place if you don’t give up and keep working on yourself. Set up a support network around you that will help you on your journey.

☆You’re not to blame for reactions and emotions outside your control.

Again, your brain is protecting you sometimes to act without thinking is perfectly natural and despite having CPTSD everyone does it.

☆You can be whoever you want to be.

Your CPTSD does not define you! But like me you can use what you have learnt to help others and raise awareness.

☆Being aware of your good traits isn’t being narcissistic.

It is simple self care and actually helps more than you think. Your CPTSD constantly tries to tear you down why not pick yourself back up again. You are a powerful, wonderful human being.

☆ It’s healthy to reach out, whether you’re writing your emotions online or to a friend; it’s not attention seeking.

It is so hard to keep all these complex memories and feelings to yourself, it is perfectly natural to reach out to another in the same boat as you. There are lots of support groups out there if you need advice or just to let off what’s on your mind- theres lots of CPTSD groups on Facebook.

☆It’s understanding you may try to distract yourself by constantly wanting to be around people.

The distraction method sometimes is what you need but don’t rely on it all the time.

Well that concludes the tips given to me by one of my therapists a few years ago that I thought might be of help to others.

Feel free to share with others or comment.

Until next time,

Faye xxx

The most endangered whales. 🐳🐋

This post is about the most endangered whales in the world.

Why are whales endangered?

There are a number of factors contributing to the current ‘endangered’ status (IUCN) of whales such as overfishing, pollution, dam/bridge construction, private/commercial boating and commercial whaling, but out of these contributing factors commercial whaling has had the largest affect on the endangered status of today’s existing whale populations.
In fact the hunting of whales (by humans) has existed for thousands of years; as far back as prehistoric times.

Here is a whale hunting timeline:

The History of Whaling.

Whaling is the act of hunting whales for their meat, bones and blubber which are used to make various products and chemicals such as transmission fluid, candles, margarine, jewelry, toys and tools.
While most people think about whaling in recent years due to media coverage, the history of whaling dates back to at least 3,000 B.C. with some researchers obtain possible evidence of this practice extending as far back as 6,000 B.C.

Some of this evidence includes observing ancient tools that appear to be early harpoons with ropes or lines attached to them as well as the use of drogues.

One of the oldest methods known for capturing whales was to place several small boats beside a whale and hope to scare it and drive it to shore where it would land on the beach and could be killed.

While whaling has existed for thousands of years it wasn’t until around the 17th century that the whaling industry truly emerged due to an increase in the necessity of goods and advances in technology which improved the hunting and success rates of whale killings.

By the 18th and 19th century whaling became a highly competitive business.

Part of the increased necessity for whale parts was due to the boom of the industrial era as whale oil became increasingly used among both small and large businesses.

In the 20th century the concept of whale harvesting began to grow as well as the introduction of factory ships which could be used to hunt, capture and transport whales much more effectively.

As technology and the demand of whale goods increased stocks of whales began to significantly decrease causing many species to become endangered.

By the late 1930’s 50,000 + whales were being killed annually.

The large decline in whale populations led to growing concerns among groups and organizations that began to worry about various species of whale becoming endangered and possibly even facing extinction.

But despite this whaling still continues today in a more limited form.

The whaling that continues today falls under two broad categories.

First, local and international authorities permit some communities with a history of subsistence whaling to continue such traditional practices; examples of this include the Inuit in Canada and some groups in Indonesia.

Representatives of these groups claim that whaling represents an integral part of their cultures and provides an important dietary resource.

In these communities, whalers hunt for whales in the traditional fashion in smaller boats, although rifles now often replace harpoons or spears.

The second category includes those hunts permitted by the IWC under its so-called scientific exception, which allows limited whaling for research purposes.

The controversial Japanese whale hunt in Antarctic waters is an example of modern research whaling.

Critics claim that this exception is merely a cover for whaling for meat or oil and that killing whales is unnecessary for research or conservation.

In addition, the IWC rules do not regulate the hunting of small cetacean species such as dolphins and pilot whales, and hunts of this kind continue in certain regions, for instance in Denmark’s Faroe Islands.

Countries that are still allowed to Whale hunt include:

1. Japan

After an International Whaling Committee (IWC) ban in 1986 on commercial whaling, Japan launched its scientific whaling program, the one which has recently been halted by the ICJ.
As the biggest killer of whales, Japan sells whale meat in food markets after killing up to 1000 whales in the Southern Ocean while, in the North Pacific, up to 360 whales of different species are killed and sold on.

2. Norway

In 1993, Norway objected to IWC’s whaling ban and continued their whale hunt operations. The number of whales that Norway allows itself to capture has risen steadily over the last decade, from 671 minke whales in 2002 to over 1,000 in 2013. However, they usually catch only half of this total.

3. Iceland

Iceland stopped whaling in 1989, but in 2003 it resumed scientific whaling and began commercial whaling in 2006. Its quota from IWC is 216 whales a year. In 2010, Icelandic whalers killed 148 endangered fin whales, according to the International Fund for Animal Welfare.

4. Greenland

Greenlandic Inuit whalers hunt and catch 175 whales every year, the third largest behind Japan and Norway. 160 whales are taken from the more densely populated west coast while around ten are taken from the east coast.

5. Canada

Whaling in Canada is predominantly carried out in small numbers by Inuit groups. Whale meat is sold in shops and supermarkets in northern Canada where it serves as a staple of the Inuit diet.

6. United States

Whaling in the US involves nine indigenous Alaskan communities where the hunts catch 50 whales a year with a total whale population of 10,500.

7. Russia

Russians in the country’s Far East are permitted by IWC to hunt for and catch up to 140 gray whales from the population every year.

8. South Korea

South Korea undertakes scientific whaling in its own waters by right. The country’s leaders see the hunting and eating of whale meat as deeply entrenched in South Korean history.

9. Faroe Islands

Approximately 950 whales are caught in the summer annually in a hunt known as Grindadrap. The hunt is seen as an important aspect of Faroese culture and history.

10. Saint Vincent and Grenadines

Residents of the Carribbean islands have a quota of four humpback whales a year from the International Whaling Commission (IWC).

What is the IWC?

– The International Whaling Commission.

-Set up by terms of the International Convention for the Regulation of Whaling ( ICRW) which was signed in Washington D.C. in the United States in 1946 to provide for the proper conservation of whale stocks and thus make possible the orderly development of the whaling industry.

The main duty of the IWC is to keep under review and revise as necessary the measures laid down in the Schedule to the Convention which govern the conduct of whaling throughout the world. These measures, among other things, provide for the complete protection of certain species; designate specified areas as whale sanctuaries; set limits on the numbers and size of whales which may be taken; prescribe open and closed seasons and areas for whaling; and prohibit the capture of suckling calves and female whales accompanied by calves. The compilation of catch reports and other statistical and biological records is also required.

The World’s most endangered whales.

Just how endangered are some of the world’s whales?

There are, for instance, only about 80 Southern Resident killer whales left on the planet.

Others, including sperm, right, and blue whales, are still trying to recover from being hunted to near oblivion during the last two centuries. Fin and sei whales are still hunted by some nations.

Pacific Coast killer whales can’t find enough chinook salmon to eat because inland river dams as well as overfishing have nearly wiped out many fish runs, while climate change is melting the Arctic habitat of the bowhead whale.

Below are the 10 most endangered whales in the World:

Southern Resident Killer Whale (Orcinus orca).

Roughly half of all Southern Resident killer whales (Orcinus orca) were removed from the population due to shooting prior to 1960 and live capture in the 1960s and 1970s, but once these activities were banned, the population rebounded from 71 individuals in 1976 to 98 in 1995. However, the population has declined since, and as of June 2019 stands at 76, the lowest it has been in 34 years. The prospects for recovery appear bleak, as since 2015 there has been just one birth that have produced a calf who survived to juvenile age.
Scientists are uncertain about how many Southern Resident killer whales can currently be supported by the environment. Although the environment’s carrying capacity may have exceeded 200 whales before the 20th century, it may not be able to support that many Southern Resident killer whales now. Like the other fish-eating killer whale populations in the North Pacific, the Southern Residents are dietary specialists on fish, and particularly Chinook salmon. Recent scientific findings suggest that the reproductive and mortality rates of resident killer whales are related to the abundance of Chinook salmon, which has declined significantly from before the era of intense commercial fishing and widespread habitat destruction. Modeling studies suggest the modern carrying capacity is roughly 90 whales, which suggests that the decline since the mid-90s is not due primarily to prey-related, density-dependent factors.

Western North Pacific Gray Whale (Eschrichtius robustus)

A western North Pacific population of gray whales historically migrated along the coasts of Russia, Korea, China, and Japan and was thought to be extinct after being decimated by commercial whaling before the 1970s. A small population was discovered in the 1990s off Sakhalin Island, Russia, and current conservation efforts focus on mitigating the impacts of rapidly expanding offshore oil and gas development in that region and on reducing the risk of entanglements in fishing gear. Satellite telemetry, photo-identification, and genetic studies are providing new insights on the movements and phenology of gray whales throughout the North Pacific and raising new questions concerning the relationships of the Sakhalin whales to other gray whales in the North Pacific.
Until recently, the gray whales in the eastern and western North Pacific were thought to be entirely separate. While there is evidence that some of those that feed off Sakhalin move south to at least Japan in the winter, it is uncertain to what extent the traditional wintering areas in Asia are still used. Photographic and genetic matches, as well as satellite tracking results, have shown that substantial numbers of the Sakhalin whales migrate to the Mexican wintering grounds, but recent acoustic evidence from the U.S. Navy has been interpreted as suggesting that some gray whales move through the East China Sea, travelling south in the fall and north in the spring. The International Whaling Commission’s (IWC’s) Scientific Committee is conducting a range wide review of population structure and status of North Pacific gray whales.

Cook Inlet Beluga Whale

Beluga whales live in the cold waters of Alaska, and there are five separate populations. Of those five, the Cook Inlet population is the smallest and has declined by about seventy-five percent. The endangered Cook Inlet beluga whale is a NOAA Fisheries Species in the Spotlight.

Known as “canaries of the sea” because of the many different sounds they make, these whales are highly social. Subsistence hunting may have contributed to their initial population drop, but this practice was regulated starting in 1999, with the last hunt in 2005. Still, the Cook Inlet beluga population has yet to recover.

North Atlantic Right Whale

The North-Atlantic right whale is one of the most endangered of all large whales, with a long history of human exploitation and no signs of recovery despite protection from whaling since the 1930s.

North Atlantic right whales have been listed as endangered under the Endangered Species Act since 1970. Today researchers estimate there are about 400 North Atlantic right whales in the population with fewer than 100 breeding females left. Only 12 births have been observed in the three calving seasons since 2017, less than one-third the previous average annual birth rate for right whales. This, together with an unprecedented 30 mortalities since 2017 (part of a declared Unusual Mortality Event, accelerates the downward trend that began around 2010, with deaths outpacing births in this population.

North Pacific Gray Whale

A western North Pacific population of gray whales historically migrated along the coasts of Russia, Korea, China, and Japan and was thought to be extinct after being decimated by commercial whaling before the 1970s. A small population was discovered in the 1990s off Sakhalin Island, Russia, and current conservation efforts focus on mitigating the impacts of rapidly expanding offshore oil and gas development in that region and on reducing the risk of entanglements in fishing gear. Satellite telemetry, photo-identification, and genetic studies are providing new insights on the movements and phenology of gray whales throughout the North Pacific and raising new questions concerning the relationships of the Sakhalin whales to other gray whales in the North Pacific.

Bowhead Whale

Bowhead whales are one of the few whale species that reside almost exclusively in Arctic and subarctic waters experiencing seasonal sea ice coverage, primarily between 60° and 75° north latitude. Of all large whales, the bowhead is the most adapted to life in icy water. Its adaptations to this environment include an insulating layer of blubber up to 1.6 feet thick.

Commercial whaling for bowheads off Alaska began in the mid-1700s, and lasted until the early-1900s. The economic value of the bowheads’ oil and baleen, combined with their slow swimming speeds and tendency to float when killed, made them a prime target for whalers. By the time commercial whaling of bowheads effectively ended in 1921, the worldwide bowhead abundance had declined to less than 3,000 whales. Today, bowhead whales may be still threatened by loss of food sources, climate change, vessel strikes, entanglement in fishing gear, ocean noise, offshore oil and gas development, and pollution.

Commercial whaling severely reduced bowhead whale numbers from historical levels. The worldwide number of bowheads prior to commercial exploitation is estimated at a minimum of 50,000, including an estimated 10,400 to 23,000 whales in the Western Arctic stock, the stock found in U.S. waters. Commercial whaling drove global abundance down to less than 3,000 by the 1920s.

The United States listed all bowhead whales as endangered under the Endangered Species Conservation Act in 1970 and the Endangered Species Act in 1973. Bowhead whales are also listed as depleted under the Marine Mammal Protection Act.

Western Arctic bowheads have shown considerable recovery since the end of commercial whaling in the early 1900s, and they now comprise the largest population of bowheads in the world. The most recent stock assessment report abundance data for the Western Arctic bowhead stock, collected during spring 2011, indicates there are over 16,000 Western Arctic bowheads.

However, the smaller Okhotsk Sea population, more heavily exploited in the past, remains at a dangerously low population of only a few hundred individuals. Genetic research has shown that these two North Pacific populations are distinct, indicating that movement of individuals between the two populations is rare.

Blue Whale

The blue whale is a cosmopolitan species. It is found in all the major oceans of the world and has a tendency to remain in deep waters. It is the largest of the baleen whales, and also the largest animal to have ever lived on Earth.
The blue whale was hunted almost to extinction up until the mid-1900s. The last recorded catches were off Spain in 1978. The species is now protected globally.

There are international management regimes through NAMMCO and the International Whaling Commission (IWC).

In the most recent assessment (2018) the species is listed as ‘Endangered but increasing’ in the global IUCN red List. There are clear indications of an increase in the Central North Atlantic. It is listed as ‘Vulnerable’ on both the Norwegian and Icelandic national red lists.

Sei whales occur in subtropical, temperate, and subpolar waters around the world. Often found with pollack in Norway, the name “sei” comes from the Norwegian word for pollack, “seje.”

The sei whale population has been greatly decreased by commercial whaling. During the 19th and 20th centuries, sei whales were targeted and greatly depleted by commercial hunting and whaling, with an estimated 300,000 animals killed for their meat and oil.

Commercial whaling ended for this species in 1980. Although whaling is no longer a major threat to this species, some scientific whaling continues today in Iceland and Japan. Vessel strikes and entanglement pose the biggest threat to sei whales today. The sei whale is listed as endangered under the Endangered Species Act and depleted under the Marine Mammal Protection Act.

Today, there are around 8,600 sei whales in the North Pacific. This is only little more than 20 percent of the original population estimate of 42,000 for this area.

The total population of sei whales in all U.S. waters is unknown.

Sperm Whale

The sperm whale has the largest brain of any creature known to have lived on Earth.

Sperm whales were mainstays of whaling’s 18th and 19th century heyday. A mythical albino sperm whale was immortalized in Herman Melville’s Moby Dick, though Ahab’s nemesis was apparently based on a real animal whalers called Mocha Dick. The animals were targeted for oil and ambergris, a substance that forms around squid beaks in a whale’s stomach. Ambergris was (and remains) a very valuable substance once used in perfumes.

The species is protected by the International Whaling commission moratorium, and is listed as vunerable by the IUCN.

Fin Whale

The fin whale is the second-largest species of whale. It is found throughout the world’s oceans. It gets its name from an easy-to-spot fin on its back, near its tail.

Like all large whales, fin whales were hunted by commercial whalers, which greatly lowered their population. Whalers did not target them at first, because of their speed and open ocean habitat. But, as whaling methods modernized with steam-powered ships and explosive harpoons, whalers over-hunted other species of whales they had used for oil, bone, and fat. They turned to fin whales, killing a huge number during the mid-1900s—725,000 in the Southern Hemisphere alone.

Whaling is no longer a major threat for this species. (Commercial whaling ended in the 1970s and 1980s, though some hunting continues today in Greenland through subsistence whaling allowances from the IWC Today, the biggest threat comes from vessel strikes. The fin whale is listed as endangered under the Endangered Species Acts and depleted under the Marine Mammal Protection Act.



What it’s like living with Endometriosis.

For anyone who follows me on instagram or has me on facebook or knows me well enough… you will know how completely honest and open I am as a person and this applies to my chronic illnesses too.

I use my social media presence to raise awareness of these health issues as I think it is important especially when so little have heard or speak of them.

I do this from a very personal perspective as I think this is most effective.

Anyway… I’ve decided to write this today to help raise awareness of what it’s really like to live with Endometriosis.

But firstly…

What is Endometriosis?

Here are some links for further reading:

What is it like living with Endometriosis?

1. Constantly being in pain every single day. How much pain depending on where you are in your cycle, how tired you are (if your more tired than usual then your pain tends to get worse and pain tolerance gets worse). Trying to hide it every single day from people and act like a normal person…whatever normal is.

2. When being asked if your ok either denying the fact your in pain and act like your ok, or figuring out what to say to them- either to openly disclose that you have Endometriosis which 90% of the time people don’t know what that is and you have to explain it and watch their faces drop, expect a blank expression and equally disappointing response or just lie and say you have a bad back, cramps etc.

3. Taking the strongest pain killers the doctor will give them and taking them on a regular basis. They make you feel more tired, irritate your stomach and digestive system and barely take the pain away but if you don’t take them you can’t even get out of bed. People looking at you or thinking your a drug addict because of the pain killers your taking and how long you have been taking them and again the awkward discussion if they ask you why you are taking them. When your especially tired the pain killers making you feel trippy, zoned out and out of it, but still not helping with the pain.

4. Constantly struggling to find something to wear as the slightest bit of pain, flare up or upset stomach swells your stomach up to make you look 4 months pregnant which is ironic considering Endometriosis makes it very hard to get pregnant. Having to hide your stomach, then having to explain to people why you’re wearing baggy clothes all the time- I’m not a slob honest, I have nice clothes!! The rare day my stomach is ok I wear them.

5. Some (not many) women trying to sympathise with you (which is appreciated) by saying “I get painful periods too!” Please please please, never say this! Endometriosis is so much more than a painful period and we would kill to just have pain during our periods or to have a normal amount of pain like everyone else.

6. Constantly spending what little money you have on hot water bottles, cbd oil, heat pads, sweat pants, PJ pants, harem pants, toiletries…. anything to both try and help us with the pain and to make our lives a bit more comfortable and bearable.

7. Owning more PJ pants, harem pants and sweat pants than normal clothes.

8. Constantly feeling tired! Being in pain all the time absolutely takes it out of you, the majority of the time your ok as it’s a normal part of your life and you get used to it but like everything it gets on top of you. You have your days where you struggle to stay awake, to gain the energy to get out of bed and function to do normal day to day activities because all you can think about how tired you are and this is normally when the pain gets worse too and it’s all you can think about. The fatigue not only makes you feel tired but gives you back ache, headaches, sensitivity to light, eye ache, your muscles in your legs, arms and everywhere else hurts and your body genuinely feels heavy.

9. Back ache, back ache and more back ache. When does our back not hurt? Despite age our backs hurt like we are old age pensioners. It ranges from just a dull ache, to shooting pains to full on struggling to bend over pain and again tiger balm, deep heat, heat patches and hot water bottles are our best friends.

10. Constantly wondering what people think about you and say about you behind your back- do they understand my condition? Do they think I’m being over dramatic? Do they emphasize? Do they take the mick out of me for it? Are they tired of me talking about it? Do they think I’m weaker because of it?

11. How does endometriosis takes a toll on your mental health? Well, you don’t have good self esteem with a constantly swollen stomach and struggling to find something to wear, it’s literally exhausting being in pain every day and pretending everything’s ok and its mentally hard to have to explain it to people, watch them misunderstand you or plain hide it from people. It’s even harder trying to be diagnosed… going to the doctors repeatedly telling them your in pain, telling them of your symptoms for them not to take you seriously, to then having a keyhole surgery to get diagnosed and then another waiting game just to know whats going on in your own body and how to live with it for the rest of your life as its incurable and figure out whether you can have children or not.

I hope you enjoyed reading this.

Please share if you can and also follow me on instagram:


If you have any comments or questions please…

Aka me or anyone else suffering Endometriosis.

Until next time,

Faye x

Why is it so hard to talk to other women about fertility issues and Endometriosis?

I’m writing this post because since being diagnosed with both PCOS and now Endometriosis I have found it increasingly difficult to discuss around other people- especially women!

Why is that?

Wouldn’t you automatically think that women would be more sympathetic and show more empathy towards another woman with fertility issues.

I don’t go around telling everyone my problems but when it does come up (it is a regular part of my life so its bound to come up) and I’m completely honest about it all I get is stunned looks and silence. Of course I don’t expect the other person to be dramatically apologetic, or expect any attention from stating my health but I’ve found I’ve been given the cold shoulder more than I can count and a lot of women are unaware of fertility and womens issues such as PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and Endometriosis.

Is this an reoccurring thing?

How many women know about these women’s issues because I surely didn’t until being diagnosed! I’d only heard of Endometriosis because my mum has it, I’d never heard of PCOS before.

Maybe women should be taught about these issues sooner so they can identify the symptoms and signs for an earlier diagnosis and treatment because famously it takes a whopping 7 years to get diagnosed with Endometriosis and to get diagnosed with either of my conditions I lost count how many times I went to the doctors complaining of symptoms such as heavy bleeding, insufferable abdominal pain and back pain and I was told repeatedly- ‘it’s normal/ all in your head/ your perception on pain’ and I was just given contraceptives from a very young age that just masked and exacerbated the symptoms.

Why is there a lack of education for women regarding infertility issues?

Why do women have to wait so long to get seen/heard?

Why do/have doctors been getting away with not listening to women who come to them with insufferable abdominal pain?

And… Why is there a lack of empathy? Is it because people feel generally uncomfortable around a chronically ill person or do they feel uncomfortable when someone else opens up honestly to them about what they struggle with and their vunerabilities?… because famously women are used to hiding details of our periods and anything to do with our reproductive cycles as society has deemed it inappropriate to discuss openly!

Pads or pain killers for periods have to be traded in secret, hidden in the workplace and in front of others and whispered about in front of men as it makes them uncomfortable. 🤬😡😠

Is this the reason why I find it difficult to speak to other women about fertility issues??

I do very much believe infertility is very much a feminist issue that needs to be addressed.

Stuck in limbo. 😫😥

⚠️I apologise in advance this is a bit of a rant/emotional writing. ⚠️

Since my laparoscopy and my long awaited diagnosis of Endometriosis after years of going to the doctors crying in pain and not being taken seriously I am still left in limbo!

I do not feel any better now than I did when I was trying to get diagnosed in fact I now feel worse.

After waking up from my laproscopy I was shown the pictures of the Endometriosis which is enough to scare anyone nevermind someone with anxiety and depression and I was promised an explanation and help with my next appointment but this has been cancelled after 4 months of waiting. 😣😥😭

The soonest appointment I can get now is the 2nd of December!

My pain is getting worse day by day, I don’t understand my condition fully or how severe it is for me, I don’t know how to effectively manage my pain or fatigue and I’ve been taking pain killers since 2016 that just make my chronic fatigue worse.

I feel more anxious day by day, I don’t want to let this condition win or stop me from doing anything BUT IT IS! 😞🙁🥺💔

I am overthinking everything and what also makes it worse is that I feel I have no one close to me to even discuss it with, if I get asked about it or it crops up i happily open up about it to others but I get blank stares, confused looks and non responses especially from women who seem to have no idea about this type of condition or most of the women I’ve spoken to. What’s the worse response though is the – other people have it worse! Yes I know other people have it worse and I have nothing but sympathy and empathy for them but this is my life and I’m struggling and this response doesn’t make me feel any better- do I not deserve empathy?

I am tired of battling the pain everyday, I’ve had responses like- the pain is in your head, it’s your perception on the pain, acknowledge your in pain and it will get better, ignore the pain and it won’t be as bad.


I do not chose every morning to wake up in pain, to have to take painkillers, use heat pads, hot water bottles, a tense machine and/ tiger balm just to get a little relief.

The doctors don’t like me taking my pain killers so they make it increasingly hard for me to get them on repeat prescription all the time so I don’t leave myself short or without painkillers at all- even though pain killers is the only help that the have offered me.

I just feel so angry, upset, alone and isolated in this.

Halloween film list 😈☠👻👺👹🤡👽🤖

Happy Halloween everyone!

Since it is Halloween I have decided to write this post to share a list of Halloween films you can watch to get in the mood. 👽😈👺👹🤡☠👻

Children’s films are in bold.

Here is a general list of films to watch for halloween:

Halloween (2018)- aged 18.
Ernest Scared Stupid (1991)– aged 16.
Get Out (2017)– aged 18.
Pet Sematary (1989)– aged 18.
Return to Halloweentown (2006)– aged 16.
Us (2019)– aged 18.
Casper Meets Wendy (1998)– Children’s film.
Brightburn (2019)– aged 18.
Trick ‘r Treat (2009)– aged 18.
The Nun (2018)– aged 18.
House on Haunted Hill (1958)– aged 18.
Goosebumps (2015)– children’s film (ug).
Clue (1985)– aged 16.
The Ring (2002)– aged 18.
Coraline (2009)– children’s film.

Nightmare before christmas (1993)- children’s film.
Paranormal Activity (2007)– aged 18.
Little Shop of Horrors (1986)-aged 16.
Double Double Toil and Trouble (1993)– children’s film.
Sleepy Hollow (1999)– aged 18.
A Quiet Place (2018)– aged 18.
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)– aged 18.
The Haunted Mansion (2003)– aged 12+.
The Witches (1990)– aged 12+.
Monster House (2006)– aged 12+.
E.T,The Extra-Terrestrial (1982)– childen’s film.
Practical Magic (1998)– aged 16.
Hotel Transylvania (2012)– children’s film.
The Craft (1996)– aged 16.

Scooby-Doo (2002)- children’s film.
The Exorcist (1973)– aged 18.
It (2017)– aged 18.
Carrie (1976)– aged 18.
Gremlins (1984)– children’s film.
Edward Scissorhands (1990)– children’s film.
Ghostbusters (1984)– children’s film.
Corpse Bride (2005)– children’s film.
Young Frankenstein (1974)– aged 18.
Scream (1996)– aged 18.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)– aged 16.
Hocus Pocus (1993)– aged 12+.
Casper (1995)– children’s film.
The Addas Family (1991)– children’s film.
Halloween (1978)– aged 18.
Beetlejuice (1988)– aged 18.
It’s a Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown (1966)– children’s film.
The Shining (1980)– aged 18.
Halloweentown (1998)– children’s film.
The Sixth Sense (1999)– aged 16.

Child’s play (1998)- aged 18.

Mother (2017)- aged 18.

Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)- aged 18.

Blair witch project (1999)- aged 18.

The Witches of Eastwick (1987)- aged 16.

Death becomes her (1992)- aged 16.

Sleepy hollow (1999)- aged 16.

Bran Stoker’s Dracula (1992)- aged 16.

The Silence of the lambs (1991)- aged 18.

The Haunting in Connecticut (2009)- aged 18.

We have always lived in the castle (2019)- aged 16.

The purge (2013)- aged 18.

The perfection (2019)- aged 18.

The last exorcism (2010)- aged 18.

The secret obsession (2019)- aged 18.

Poltegeist (1982)- aged 16.

Psycho (1960)- aged 18.

Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)- aged 18.

Scary Movie (2000)- aged 16.

The Others (2001)- aged 18.

Friday the 13th (1980)- aged 18.

The Host (2006)- aged 18.

Train to Busan (2016)- aged 18.

The Conjuring (2013)- aged 18.

The Ring (2002)- aged 18.

A girl walks home alone at night (2014)- aged 18.

Heredity (2018)- aged 18.

American Psycho (2000)- aged 18.

Rosemary’s baby (1968)- aged 18.

The Texas chainsaw massacre (1975)- aged 18.

Alien (1975)- aged 18.

Twilight (2008)- aged 12+.

The Badadook (2014)- aged 18.

Teeth (2017)- aged 18.

What we do in the shadows (2014)- aged 18.

Raw (2016)- aged 18.

The Witches (1990)- children’s film.

Fun size (2012)- aged 16.

Disturbia (2007)- aged 18.

Donnie Darko (2001)- aged 18.

The Fly (1986)- aged 18.

Midsommar (2019)- aged 18.

The Strangers (2008)- aged 18.

Annabelle (2014)- aged 18.

The curse of La Llorona (2019)- aged 18.

Pet Sematary (2019)- aged 18.

The worst witch (1986)- aged 18.

Twitches (2005)- aged 16.

For the children’s films please also check yourself before showing to your children as I have found the age certification quickly on the internet and it’s best to double check.

Films based on true stories:

Open Water (2003) When a couple goes scuba diving in Open Water, their boat accidentally leaves them behind in shark-infested water. It’s based on something that really happened to American tourists Tom and Eileen Lonergan, who were left behind by a diving company off the Great Barrier Reef. By the time the mistake was realized two days later, it was too late, and they were never seen again.

Borderland (2007)When three friends head to a Mexican border town to have some fun in this movie, they get mixed up with a cult specializing in human sacrifice. The concept loosely stems from the life of Adolfo de Jesus Constanzo, a drug lord and cult leader who was responsible for the death of American student Mark Kilroy.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)The iconic baddie Freddy Krueger kills teenagers via their dreams in Wes Craven’s franchise-launching film. Craven told Vulture that the idea stemmed from an article he read in The Los Angeles Times about a family of Cambodian refugees with a young son who reported awful nightmares. “He told his parents he was afraid that if he slept, the thing chasing him would get him, so he tried to stay awake for days at a time,” said Craven. “When he finally fell asleep, his parents thought this crisis was over. Then they heard screams in the middle of the night. By the time they got to him, he was dead. He died in the middle of a nightmare.

Dahmer (2002)Jeremy Renner starred as the notorious serial killer in this horror biopic that includes fictional versions of several of Dahmer’s victims. Dahmer, also known as the Milwaukee Cannibal, ultimately took the lives of 17 boys and men.

Black Water (2007)Set in the swamps of Australia, this movie sees a group of fishers attacked by a humongous crocodile. It was inspired by an actual crocodile attack in the Australian outback in 2003 that killed a man named Brett Mann in an area that his friends said they’d “never, ever” seen a crocodile before.

Dead Ringers (1988)In David Cronenberg’s movie, Jeremy Irons plays twin gynecologists who do messed up things with patients and ultimately die together in the end. Cronenberg adapted the movie from Bari Wood and Jack Geasland’s novel Twins, which was inspired by the lives of actual twin gynecologists Stewart and Cyril Marcus. The New York Times noted that the Marcuses enjoyed “trading places to fool their patients” and that they ultimately “retreat[ed] into heavy drug use and utter isolation.”

Deliver Us From Evil (2014)The movie follows a cop and a priest who team up to take on the supernatural. It’s based on self-proclaimed “demonologist” Ralph Sarchie’s memoir Beware the Night, in which he tells supposedly true stories, such as the time he found himself “in the presence of one of hell’s most dangerous devils” possessing a woman.

Poltergeist (1982)In Poltergeist, a family’s home is invaded by ghosts that abduct one of the daughters. The film was inspired by unexplained events, such as loud popping noises and moved objects, that occurred in 1958 at the Hermanns’ home in Seaford, New York.

Psycho (1960)Alfred Hitchcock’s essential film traces a woman who embezzles money from her employer and runs off to a mysterious hotel where she is (58-year-old spoiler alert) murdered by the man running it, Norman Bates. Bates is said to have been based on Ed Gein, a Wisconsin man who was convicted for one murder in the 1950s, but suspected for others. He also was a grave robber, and authorities found many disturbing results of that in his home, including bowls crafted from human skulls and a lampshade made from the skin of someone’s face.

Scream (1996) The classic ‘90s slasher flick uses dark humor to tell the story of a group of teens and a mystery man named Ghostface who wants to murder them. But the real story ain’t funny. The movie was inspired by the Gainesville Ripper, real name Danny Rolling, who killed five Florida students by knife over a span of three days in August 1990.

The Amityville Horror (1979)In the movie, a young couple buys a house in Amityville, New York, and it turns out to be haunted by supernatural evils. The real-life Lutz family moved to an Amityville home in 1975 about a year after Ronald DeFeo Jr. murdered six family members there. The Lutzes moved out after just 28 days, citing strange odors, sounds, gelatinous drops, and other terrifying phenomena.

The Conjuring (2013)The movie stars Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga as ghost hunters helping out a family in a haunted 18th-century farmhouse. The hunters, Ed and Lorraine Warren, are real people, as is the Perron family that they assist. Lorraine was a consultant on the movie and insists that many of the supernatural horrors really happened, and one of the daughters who is depicted in the film, Andrea Perron, says the same. She recalled an angry spirit named Bathsheba to USA Today : “Whoever the spirit was, she perceived herself to be mistress of the house and she resented the competition my mother posed for that position.”

Annabelle (2014)
The creepy porcelain doll from The Conjuring gets her terror on in this spin-off of The Conjuring. The ghost-hunting Warrens have claimed that there was a real Raggedy Ann doll that moved by itself and wrote creepy-ass notes saying things like, “Help us.” The woman who owned it contacted a medium, who claimed that it was possessed by a seven-year-old girl named Annabelle who had died there.

The Disappointments Room (2016)Kate Beckinsale stars in the movie as an architect who moves to a new home with a mysterious room in the attic that she eventually learns was previously used as a room where rich people would cast off disabled children. It was reportedly inspired by a Rhode Island woman who discovered a similar room in her house that she says was built by a 19th century judge to lock away his disabled daughter.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose (2005)The movie’s title character is a 19-year-old girl who dies following an exorcism, and the film focuses on the trial of the priest who performed it. It’s based on the real 1976 case of Anneliese Michel, a German woman who died at the age of 23 from starvation following 67 exorcisms to rid her of supposed demons.

The Exorcist (1973)

Two priests attempt to remove a demon from a young girl in this box office smash. The movie was based on a 1949 Washington post article with the headline “Priest Frees Mt. Rainier Boy Reported Held in Devil’s Grip.” Director William Friedkin spoke about the article to Time Out London: “Maybe one day they’ll discover the cause of what happened to that young man, but back then, it was only curable by an exorcism. His family weren’t even Catholics, they were Lutheran. They started with doctors and then psychiatrists and then psychologists and then they went to their minister who couldn’t help them. And they wound up with the Catholic church. The Washington Post article says that the boy was possessed and exorcised. That’s pretty out on a limb for a national newspaper to put on its front page… You’re not going to see that on the front page of an intelligent newspaper unless there’s something there.

The Girl Next Door (2007)The movie follows the abuse of a teenage girl at the hands of her aunt, and it was inspired by the murder of Sylvia Likens in 1965. The 16-year-old girl was abused by her caregiver, Gertrude Baniszewski, Baniszewski’s children, and other neighborhood children, as entertainment. They ultimately killed her, with the cause of death determined as “brain swelling, internal hemorrhaging of the brain, and shock induced by Sylvia’s extensive skin damage.”

The Haunting in Connecticut (2009)Ed and Lorraine Warren strike again! The couple claimed that a Connecticut home rented by the Snedeker family in 1986 had been overtaken by demons, likely because the building was previously a mortuary. In the movie, a fictional Campbell family is tormented by supernatural beings.

The Hills Have Eyes (1977 & 2006)Wes Craven’s cult classic (and its remake) centers around a traveling family whose car breaks down, leaving them stranded and in the clutches of cannibals. The movie was inspired by Sawney Bean, a Scottish man who, according to legend, led his clan to kill and eat 1,000 people around the year 1600. A Scottish historian told The BBC in 2013 though that the legend was fiction, created by prejudiced Englishmen “as a dig at Scots.”

The Possession (2012)Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Kyra Sedgwick star in the movie as a couple with a young daughter who becomes fascinated with an antique wooden box found at a yard sale. Of course, the box turns out to be home to a spirit. The flick’s “true story” basis came from an ebay listing for “a haunted Jewish wine cabinet box” containing oddities such as two locks of hair, one candlestick, and an evil spirit that caused supernatural activity. The box sold for $280 and gained attention when a Jewish newspaper ran an article about its so-called powers.

The Rite (2011)In The Rite, a mortician enrolls in seminary and eventually takes an exorcism class in Rome, where demonic encounters ensue. The movie was based on the life of a real exorcist, Father Gary Thomas, whose work was the focus of journalist Matt Baglio’s book The Rite: The Making of an Exorcist. A Roman Catholic priest, Thomas was one of 14 Vatican-certified exorcists working in America in 2011. He served as an advisor on the film and told The Los Angeles Times that in the previous four years he had exorcised five people.

The Sacrament (2013)In the movie, a man travels to find his sister who joined a remote religious commune, where, yep, bad things happen. It was inspired by the 1978 Jonestown massacre, in which cult leader Jim Jones led 909 of his followers to partake in a “murder-suicide ceremony” using cyanide poisoning.

The Shining (1980)Stanley Kubrick’s horror masterpiece is about a man who is driven to insanity by supernatural forces while staying at a remote hotel in the Rockies. The movie derives from Stephen King’s book of the same name, which was inspired by the Stanley Hotel in Colorado, where plenty of guests have reported seeing ghosts. The Stanley wasn’t actually used in the movie, however, because Kubrick didn’t think it looked scary enough.

The Silence of the Lambs (1991)The Oscar-winning film tells the story of an FBI cadet who enlists the help of a cannibal/serial killer to pin down another serial killer, Buffalo Bill, who skins the bodies of his victims. FBI special agent John Douglas, who consulted on the film, had explained that Bill was inspired in part by the serial killer Ted Bundy, who like Bill, wore a fake cast. Ed Gein is also believed to be an inspiration, what with the whole skinning thing. And per Rolling stone 1980s killer Gary Heidnik was a reference for how Buffalo Bill kept victims in a basement pit.

The Strangers (2008)Three killers in masks terrorize the suburban home of a couple (played by Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman) in this invasion thriller. Writer-director Bryan Bertino has said the film was inspired by something that happened to him in childhood. “As a kid, I lived in a house on a street in the middle of nowhere. One night, while our parents were out, somebody knocked on the front door and my little sister answered it,” he said. “At the door were some people asking for somebody that didn’t live there. We later found out that these people were knocking on doors in the area and, if no one was home, breaking into the houses.”

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974 & 2003) Ed Gein also reportedly inspired elements of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and its remake. The movies are about groups of friends who come into contact with the murderous cannibal Leatherface. The original film memorably features a room filled with furniture created from human bones, a nod to Gein’s home.

The Town That Dreaded Sundown (1976 & 2014)The original film follows a Texas Ranger as he tracks down a serial killer threatening a small town, and the 2014 sequel of the same name essentially revives the same plot. Both are based on the Texarkana Moonlight Murders of 1946, when a “Phantom Killer” took out five people over ten weeks. The case remains officially unsolved.

Veronica (2018)- The recent Netflix release follows a 15-year-old girl who uses a Ouija board and accidentally connects with a demon that terrorizes her and her family. The movie’s based on a real police report from a Madrid neighborhood. As the story goes, a girl performed a séance at school and then “experienced months of seizures and hallucinations, particularly of shadows and presences surrounding her,” according to Newsweek. The police report came a year after the girl’s death when three officers and the Chief Inspect of the National Police reported several unnatural occurrences at her family’s home that they called “a situation of mystery and rarity.”

My go to movies for halloween are:

The Omen films

The Saw films

The silence of the lambs and following films

Nightmare before christmas



Practical magic

Witches of eastwick

The Adam’s family

I love Tim Burton films!

I love serial killer films or series.

Thanks for reading.

Until next time.

Faye x

Vaquitas: the most endangered cetacean in the world. 🐬🐋🐳

These cute guys are called ‘Vaquitas(Phocoena sinus).

The vaquita wasn’t discovered until 1958 and only half a century later we are on the brink of losing them forever.

Species information.

Vaquitas are the smallest and most endangered species of the infraorder Cetacea in the world and are endemic to the northern end of the Gulf of California.
They are distinguishable by the dark rings surrounding their eyes, patches on their lips, and a line that extends from their dorsal fins to their mouths.

Their backs are a dark grey that fades to their white undersides. As vaquitas mature, the shades of grey lighten.

Females vaquitas tend to grow larger than males with females being an average of 4.6ft in length and males averaging 4.4ft in length.
Their average lifespan is similar to a harbour porpoise.

Vaquitas flippers are proportionately larger than those of other porpoises, and their skull is smaller and broader than in other members of the genus.


Vaquita’s tend to chose habitats with turbid waters because of their high nutrient content because it attracts all the food that they rely on- small fish, squid and crustaceans. When they are hunting, they dive smoothly and surface again slowly. They spend most of their time under the water and so are not often seen by humans.
Some scientists think that their unique facial markings play a role in helping them hunt food, which they do using echolocation. This is a technique used by lots of whales, dolphins and porpoises and involves making high pitched clicks that bounce off objects around them. The sound that comes back gives the vaquita information that helps them decide if it’s dinner or not.

They also live in shallow, murky lagoons along shorelines, they rarely swim deeper than 30 metres and are known to survive in lagoons so shallow that their bodies protrude above the surface; because they prefer shallow water along the shoreline which puts them right in the danger zone for the illegal fishing nets.

Vaquita’s are most sighted in water 11-50 metres deep from the coast over silt and clay bottoms.
The area they call home is just 2,235 square kilometres, although it is thought that they may roam a bit further south along the Mexican coast.


Vaquita’s have been critically endangered since 1996. The population has dropped drastically in the last few years.

Nearly one out of every five vaquita get entangled and drown in gillnets intended for other marine species like the totoaba, a critically endangered fish also found in the upper Gulf of California.

Entanglement in gillnets set for totoaba was the primary cause that brought the vaquita to low levels by the mid-1970s.

Totoaba were overfished by the mid-1970s and were listed as endangered by Mexico in 1975, and by the US in 1979.

Totoaba (Totoaba macdonalds) is a species of marine fish endemic to the Gulf of California in Mexico. They are the largest species in the drum family. Individuals can live up to 15 years and spawn only once a year.

They have been illegal to catech since 1976 when placed on the Mexican Endaangered Species List.

Today, international trade in totoaba is banned under CITES but high demand from China for its swim bladder has led to a corresponding boom in illegal totoaba fishing in the past few years.

Thousands of swim bladders are dried and smuggled out of Mexico, often through the United States. Fishermen receive around $4,000 for each pound of totoaba swim bladder, equivalent to half a year’s income from legal fishing activities.

It is this illegal trade that is currently driving the precipitous decline in vaquita numbers.
No one knows exactly how many are now alive; by 2018 fewer than 19 were left, researchers estimate. Unless the species’ decline can be slowed, vaquitas likely will become extinct before 2021, which raises the question: How did we let this happen?

In 2005 Mexico’s government made part of the gulf a vaquita refuge. But the population kept falling—from more than 200 individuals in 2008 to fewer than 30 in 2016.

Unable to protect vaquitas in the wild, the government made an unprecedented attempt to protect them in captivity.

In 2017 an international team of scientists, veterinarians, and conservationists gathered in Mexico to stage VaquitaCPR, a multimillion-dollar project to transfer half of the remaining vaquitas into protected sea pens until their safety in the wild could be assured.

The team captured two females—but when both began showing signs of stress, they were released.

One of them didn’t survive, and VaquitaCPR was discontinued.

Wildlife biologist Matthew Podolsky contends that “even if that vaquita hadn’t died and the capture effort had been successful, the root of the problem would still remain”: Impoverished poachers, greedy cartels, and corrupt officials would still care more about catching totoabas than protecting vaquitas.

Saving the vaquita’s?

What are conservation and charitable organisations doing to save the vaquita’s?


Global net retrieval and acoustic monitoring: WWF are trying to achieve a gillnet-free Upper Gulf of California in order to protect the vaquita’s natural habitat.

From October 2016- July 2017 alone this initiative retrieved more than 400 nets from vaquitas habitats.

International cooperation to boost vaquita- safe fishing: in July 2016 President Barack Obama and President Enrique Pena Nieto of Mexico announced bilateral collaboration measures to protect the vaquita.

As a follow up to this meeting and to the recommendation CIRVA presented in its vaquita report (5th Meeting of the International Committee for the recovery of the vaquita), Mexico’s National Institute of Fisheries (INAPESCA) and WWF Mexico established an International committee of experts to further develop and urgently implement vaquita- safe fishing technologies. A protocol and guidelines to catch shrimp with vaquita-safe technology is expected soon.

Defenders of wildlife.

In 2005 Defenders of Wildlife, Greenpeace, Teyeliz, Comanno and CEMDA reached an agreement with the Environmental Ministry to create the vaquita refuge area.

In 2007 Defenders of Wildlife helped create the shark fishery regulation that banned the use of surface gillnets that captured vaquita’s incidentally.

In 2015 after years of lobbying the mexican government decreed a fishing ban that is still in place.

In 2018 Defenders of Wildlife, Greenpeace and Teyeliz presented a proposal to the Environmental Ministry to increase the refuge area, prohibit fishing, restrict navigation and increase patrolling; the proposal was accepted and refuge area was increased by 750sq km.

CIRVA recommends a comprehensive programme including 24 hour monitoring of the habitat, net removal teams and prosecution of illegal fishers.

Sea Shepards.

The Sea Shepard’s want to bring their second vessel to operation Milagro and to defend the vaquita’s habitat.

What can you do?

There is more and more coverage on this issue and you can help spread awareness.

Recently Leonardo di Caprio tweeted about the vaquita’s.

○ Watch the film: ‘Sea of the Shadows’.

○ Use your social media to raise awareness especially on international vaquita day.

○ Donate to a charitable conservation organisation such as Greenpeace, Sea Shepard or the Porpoise Conservation Society.